That’s right. I Myspace stalked you. Sure I could just play it off as ‘just checking out your page’ but I want you to know I know.
I decided to do a little background check on you. You with your full lips and twinkling eyes. I thought, “Surely this temptress has a girlfriend…I mean, really, look at that ass!” And I was right.
Funny, your profile says SINGLE but there she is smiling at me from her number four spot in your “Top 8″.
I KNOW she was not there LAST WEEK.
Then all of sudden, number four. And Glitter Kittens are showing up in your comment section mewling over sparkly yarn that spells out “I miss you”. She’s writing silly inside jokes about what you two did last weekend. OH and she’s got her profile set to straight and you, yes you mister are her number one of eight AND the only boy…so her little “In a Relationship” seems to point to you.

Very smart making her number four and not number one. A spot so prominent would cause idle chatter. And of course your best friend is in the number one spot. I checked him out too, so nice to see that he wishes you and your new GIRLFRIEND well. So SINGLE? I don’t think so, I think I’ll trust your best friend’s comment on this one. Your best friend of 9 years whom you met at a party in college, who still parties like a sophomore, who’s favorite movie is Die Hard. You know Die Hard, right? Good, cause that’s what the sparks that were to burn into the splendid flame of our love are going to do.
Did you think I wouldn’t see her? Did you think that the fact that she is next to you in one of her pictures AND a completely different one of your pictures would go unnoticed?

Listen, do me a favor spanky, don’t flirt with me if you are not going to follow through. I am not about all talk and no action. All talk sucks like your myspace page.