So there were more emails and a few more dates.

We saw Wall-e on the 4th of July and watched the fireworks from his window. We discovered that our musical tastes were compatible. I was the first person to see his new apartment. He gave me a copy of the book that he wrote. He drove across town to have dinner at my place. He even brought me flowers.

and now it’s time for the BUT.

Two days after I cook him dinner I get the “I’m not ready for a relationship” email. Apparently he just got out of something a few weeks before I went out with him. He said that I deserve to be with someone who can give themselves to me unencumbered by emotional bulshit.

I feel a little used. The fact that this didn’t come up at all in the 3 weeks that we have shared a wealth of personal information is a little weird. It seems like “I just got out of a relationship” would have popped up before a lot of the things he shared. Especially if it was something that was creating that much disruption in his life. I had finished his book and it was pretty apparent that he had gone though some messy stuff. Maybe not everything in the book was true but something in his life had to inspire his writing.

As much as we hate to admit it we all come with personal baggage and emotional bullshit. Some people have paired it down to a backpack others are toting around a 5 piece matching set.

This is why I started this 17 dates challenge. I wanted to work out some personal issues. I had built this giant wall around myself and I knew that in order to grow as a person I needed to let people into my life. I had to learn how to share and trust in order to lighten my emotional load. I think I have got it down to one of those little train cases.

It’s funny that this happened now. I was trying to figure out how to proceed with the 17 dates. The 4 dates I had gone on with the redhead were good. I decided to take things one day at time. Then there is the fact that sex complicates things so I figured it was best to hang out on the plateau called date #9. The goal of this challenge is not to go on 17 dates in a year, it was for me to grow as a person. Passing up opportunities out of fear was not acceptable.