Let me say that this post is NOT SAFE FOR WORK (NSFW).  If you are not at work or you are funemployed, feel free to click “more”

Does anyone out there remember the old Nerve.com column called, “I did it for science”?  I stumbled on it again after the RJ and I were talking shop on g-chat.

Anyways, I realized the other day that it’s been a long time since I have treated myself to a new sex toy. To be honest, I was bored with them.  They weren’t new and exciting anymore (neither was the shower head).

Meg and I went on our first post-ban trip to the toy store on Sunday. I was looking for something specific.

1. curved (g-spot accessible)
2. non-jelly (those tend to “melt”)
3. heavy (weighted toys are so much better)
4. long handle (I don’t want carpal tunnel)
5. stainless steel or glass would be nice
6. non-vibrating (I have enough of those)

The store had some nice glass stuff that met the criteria but they were missing the other part of the equation… our favorite lube.  Only a few stores carry Liquid Silk,  I can say it is worth the extra trip to go out and get it. Don’t cheap out.  Get the pump bottle for added convenience. I decided to hold off on the toy purchase in case I was able to find something better on the quest for lube. I must say that I expected more from the other store since the radio ad raved about the post ban stock increase.  Needless to say, I picked up the lube and went back to the first store for this…

This sexy hand-blown glass massager will take you to new heights. Designed for thrills, your Turquoise Twister can be used chilled or heated. Simply place it in the freezer for a cooling experience and if the nights are cold and you want something to warm you up, run it under warm water to heat up your night! Phthalates Free

Length – 6.6 in.; width – 1.3 in.; girth – 4 in.

OMG! I almost killed myself test driving this.  Forget about the comp book and documenting everything.  I tore off the packaging, cleaned it and took it for a spin.  Low and behold, I managed to get to that whole hyperventilation/retarded/choking thing on my own (That thing should come with a a warning label).  I have never been able to get that kind of satisfaction from anything but good old fashion sex. That was the best $25 I ever spent. Maybe next time I will take a moment to write things down in the comp book.  In the meantime I need someone to volunteer to test drive this one with the nubby bits on it.

For the dudes out there reading, toys are a supplement, NOT a replacement.