March 28, 2009

What’s next?

by @ 8:24 pm. Filed under boys, confessional, employment, finance

I ran into a friend last night and she asked me what was next. Right now I have no fucking clue what is next in the big scheme of things. I hope she didn’t think that I had become enlightened along my journey last year. I would say that I am about 60% enlightened and 40% disenchanted. Maybe it was a trick question.

Honestly, right now I would like mind blowing sex from a guy who won’t give me a disease or cause further emotional/mental damage. That would be a nice next. But that is not my number one priority (it hasn’t been THAT long). In a time of economic decline I know that I should stay put at my current job. Do I want to? Not really. But I also don’t like leaping from one branch until I know exactly where I am going to grab on to. For me, it is much easier to leave a man behind than a job.

If you know me, or have been reading for a bit, you know that I have job hopped quite a bit over the years. The good news is that there is hope. I have been in my current job for almost 4 years. That is longest I have held a full time job. That beats out full time man at 2.5 years. I would say that I am about 70% happy with it. I know that isn’t good enough but I am just going to have to deal with it for a bit until I find something better.

Jobs provide me with a sense of security and they keep the lights on. That has never been the reason for keeping a man around. I don’t know that I could ever reach that level of trust. It’s rare that I let a man pay for dinner. How could I let them chip in on my mortgage? It makes me ill to borrow money from family.

For now what’s next is putting one foot in front of the other one day at a time.


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