Truth is, I don’t know.

I had dinner with some friends this evening, and I begun lamenting about how horrible my life is, how lonely I am, how I am unchallenged, etc. All because a friend tried asking me that very question.

But you know, that’s not really a good way to look at it.  I know it, even if I don’t act like it all the time, that it will get better.  I will finish school, I will end up doing something I want to be doing instead of this limbo stage… *it will get better*.

I’ve been feeling kind of shitty lately, well really for a while, and I’m not sure.

Let’s see I could make this into a rant about all that truly sucks in my life right now, but I feel it would be better for my emotional health to really try to think about all the thinks I do love.

Here’s my list:

1. My dog: He’s been my best friend for a long time, and days when I talk to no-one at school, or anywhere else, I always have him.  Even if he cannot respond in kind, there’s some part of me that realizes it doesn’t matter if he responds or not.  It’s more about me telling him stuff, really any stuff, that makes me feel the slightest modicum better.
2. My friends (I’ve been through worse, yes, but now I feel like this rough patch is truly being helped by long, if not unnecessary conversations with my friends.)  Even if they are tired to death of hearing my woes, they’ll listen, and it’s that listening that’s my “therapy” so to speak.
3. My family, I guess really I mean my aunt.  She’s seen a lot more than I have and the wisdom or experience is really helpful.  That being said I’m not trying to discount my family.  Sometimes it’s a little harder to share certain things with them though.
4. School: I don’t really like anyone I go to school with, but it’s pretty easy to get my A’s. I’m not saying that it’s boring.  All I have to do is my work, and it’s interesting and I get my A’s, just because it’s not super challenging doesn’t mean I don’t like it.  On top of that, it’s something to occupy my mind.

Maybe it’s not about waiting for it to get better though, there’s something to be said about taking positive action toward the course you want to see yourself on.  And even if I don’t feel like it will get better now, maybe I should try to take that stock in the things that I *do* have.

I read a study the other day saying that people in the Netherlands (or maybe it was Denmark) were the happiest in the world.  They have the most trust in society, are hard workers who do their job because they like it, not necessarily for the money, and seem to have the most stable emotional health of anyone in the world.  When asked how they are, the thing they say all the time is “It could be worse.”

I think that’s perhaps the best way to look at things.  It is totally true, and at the same time takes some stock in your present situation now.  I’ve been trying to say that when people ask how I am.  Sometimes I can’t say that, sometime I feel horrible, but most of the time I’ve been able to say it.  Maybe if I can say that more often I’ll finally live by and realize the repercussions of that statement.

So, dear readers, I really don’t know what I love about my life the most right now.  And I not really sure I ever will, but it could be worse, right?