So, yeah I got lazy during this year.  Jen and I had talked about going on 17 dates in efforts to find one good one.  I’m not totally sure that I got lazy, or just didn’t really follow through like I thought I would.  I went on a fair more number of dates than usual for me though, at least there’s that.

So I am proposing a shorter challenge.  For the next two months I’ll be on a dating website.  I will keep track of the number of dates I go on, and weather or not they ended up in friendship or otherwise.  I do realize that two months may not be that long, especially around this time of year, but… I think this is a lot more doable and the end is in site.

I’m not making any rules about this challenge like we did for the other.  I’m purely going to keep a tally.  Along the way I might blog about some of the dates.  I promise that I will change all names to protect the innocent, and not so innocent as well.  I’ve even started keeping track of my other friends who are on the same website.  Seeing as how we girls mostly have different tastes in men it shouldn’t be hard to not repeat going out with any of the same dudes.

I have a few dude friends who I’m also trying to convince to blog about it.  Even if they don’t decide to share with the world, I will compile their data/research and blog about that.  I’m thinking that I could extend this challenge till after the holidays too.  But truth be told I don’t want to get to ahead of myself.  I need to take whatever I’m doing by one day at a time.

How about you guys, do you have any horrible or awesome dating stories from online dating?  I’d like to blog about that stuff too.

So Keely went Speed Dating without me.  She was nice enough to send me a 50% off coupon for the service though (and hopefully she is writing up the details of her adventure). The discount made it affordable so I am signed up for Speed Dating in December (and yes it counts towards the challenge ).

That’s right my little readers.  You will get 2 tales of speed dating.

So this past few days Jen and I and another unnamed friend have gotten on one of those interweb dating sites.

Honestly I’m still not sure what to make of it all yet. I got a few messages from a few dudes. The majority were cute, some however were not. The ones that did not interest me I did not respond to. That’s what it’s all about, right? It’s kinda the lazy man’s way of meeting people.

In my profile I wrote: Music: I feel like I shouldn’t get into that right now cause I don’t want to get all pretentious or whatever, so how about you suggest something. I’m totally into listening to new stuff.

Surprisingly, I only had a few of the messages be about music. However the site does have an IM feature, and a stalking feature. When I saw that I knew that it was either a) going to get me into trouble, or b) be very useful to avoid the creepies.

When I first got on, the IM business started going nuts. There are apparently some setting on it, i.e. you can say you only want to get IM’s from guys who are: single, a set age range, and a set distance from you. Once I figured that out, pretty quickly I stopped getting IM from creepy dudes that lived across the world somewhere. So props to that at the very minimum.

There’s also this other feature where you can get a quick look at someone’s profile, then the site asks you to rate them based on looks and personality. Truth be told, I don’t think that’s really fair, I believe I’m much better in person or actually talking to someone. I mean, you guys probably think I’m some kind of asshole from reading my writing, but eh.

So I am going through the profiles, seeing who the computer thinks I should be matched with, it’s not doing it for me. I looked through those matches the first evening I was on the site, replied to a few dudes, thought about replying to a few more, but decided it would be better to get some homework done.

The next day, maybe the day after? (I think I’ve only been on the site for 3 days now, maybe 4?) I decide to explore a little more. The quick look thing looked to me like it could be fun. It may put dudes in there who weren’t in my matches, and what the heck, can’t hurt, right? I’m just here to meet people, they may or may not want to date me, but knowing more people is good. I’m not saying I going to meet the next jen on there and have a new BFF or anything. I just think some variety would be good in my life.

So, tonight I was on and going through the quick looky thing. Saw a cute dude, so I rate him as cute. I’m down, alright. Leave that as it is for then. A few minutes later I get an e-mail from the site saying that dude also thought I was cute. Awesome! What an ego booster.

Then I end up chatting with Kleen for awhile, on the other chat thing I use. Next thing I know I have another e-mail from the site saying I have a message from that dude, sweet! I go to read the message and see that he’s still online. So I just go ahead and IM him… Ah the nerve, a girl who’s not afraid to get what she wants.

We ended up chatting for a few hours, eventually moved the conversation to the other chat program I use b/c the IM from the site is kind of silly.

Talked about beer, music, and not surprisingly, hipsters. Haha. Then I started getting punchy, cause well, I’m tired, was drinking a glass of wine, and had practice earlier.

I mentioned that I did actually think he is cute. He was very polite and said thank you. It’s a little hard to tell through a chat application, but I think we were flirting. At least I was trying to. Works for me.

We discussed also how this site in particular might be a better place to meet friends rather than “dates.” He makes a valid point, even in only being on it a few days, I’ve gotten a good number of hits, i.e. messages (maybe 7 or 8 total?). And of those, I think I would like to be friends with 2 so far, would like to go on dates with 1 maybe 2, and the other(s) I have no interest in whatsoever.

So now dear readers, as some of you know Jen and I have been on the 17 dates in a year quest. Probably many more of you know that I haven’t done so well, so I’m officially abandoning that in favor of a new experiment. This new experiment will be: How many people do I meet from this dating site in the remaining months of this year. I will keep track of how many dates I go on, and I will keep track of how many friends I make from it.

I see this as being a much more valid challenge than 17 dates in a year. I just don’t have the energy to keep up with a whole year of seeking out dudes to date, so I inevitably fall off the wagon. I can do this for 2 months though.

I’ll let you know what happeneds. Stay tuned.

Matt Damon - Good Will Hunting

Date: April 9, 2008
Location: Spiderhouse
Time: 8:30pm
Duration of date: ~2 hrs
Occupation: Grad Student
Age: atleast 25*

This is the first time I refrained from stalking a boy on the internet (sort of). After we talked I had enough information to find out what his last name was (he is a grad student and I knew which department he was in. I also knew that he had given a talk at a conference recently). I had Megan look him up for me to tell me if he was atleast 25. It was weird not knowing how old he was. Two weeks and several text messages later we finally went out.

I met him at his place on Wednesday (are you noticing a trend). He gave me a big hug and gave me a tour of his apartment. We hung out there for a bit and then we went to Spiderhouse. The conversation was all over the map. I don’t know if I was just super horny or if was a true attraction. I was kind of curious before but after talking to him for over 2 hours I really wanted to jump him.

The date ended with the awkward post first date hug. I paused too long. I was debating whether or not to kiss him. The Arab would have gone for the kiss close.

We talked once or twice after we went out. I really wanted to go out with him again but he disappeared during finals.

*6/29 – I finally stalked this dude. He is 26.

I knew I would eventually run into one of those guys again.

Today I was out watching the debates with my posse at a local bar (I know, we are dorks for watching the debates in a bar, but it was high def and most of us don’t have cable). M and I were watching the door for hot guys and the rest of the crew. I saw guy walk in and did a double take. It was the redhead (who according to his facebook profile is engaged). I turn to M and she looks at me. M starts to get up and have a chat with him. I told her to ignore him. I look away and try to be invisible (Not very easy. A black girl is kind of hard to miss.) He starts walking towards us and ends up a few tables away. I maintain my cool and keep talking to my peeps. M offers to take him out for me. I said no. He’s just a sad little boy in a bar watching the debates all by himself.

In the end he decided to move to the other end of the bar. I am guessing he felt a little uncomfortable (At one point in time I turned around to talk to my peeps at the table behind me and we made eye contact. Neither of us said a thing). I, on the other hand, felt truly blessed. I have a posse that will always be by my side rain or shine.

Oh, and I saw David Byrne last night. More reasons to be happy.

I love you all.
-Jen

So there were more emails and a few more dates.

We saw Wall-e on the 4th of July and watched the fireworks from his window. We discovered that our musical tastes were compatible. I was the first person to see his new apartment. He gave me a copy of the book that he wrote. He drove across town to have dinner at my place. He even brought me flowers.

and now it’s time for the BUT.

Two days after I cook him dinner I get the “I’m not ready for a relationship” email. Apparently he just got out of something a few weeks before I went out with him. He said that I deserve to be with someone who can give themselves to me unencumbered by emotional bulshit.

I feel a little used. The fact that this didn’t come up at all in the 3 weeks that we have shared a wealth of personal information is a little weird. It seems like “I just got out of a relationship” would have popped up before a lot of the things he shared. Especially if it was something that was creating that much disruption in his life. I had finished his book and it was pretty apparent that he had gone though some messy stuff. Maybe not everything in the book was true but something in his life had to inspire his writing.

As much as we hate to admit it we all come with personal baggage and emotional bullshit. Some people have paired it down to a backpack others are toting around a 5 piece matching set.

This is why I started this 17 dates challenge. I wanted to work out some personal issues. I had built this giant wall around myself and I knew that in order to grow as a person I needed to let people into my life. I had to learn how to share and trust in order to lighten my emotional load. I think I have got it down to one of those little train cases.

It’s funny that this happened now. I was trying to figure out how to proceed with the 17 dates. The 4 dates I had gone on with the redhead were good. I decided to take things one day at time. Then there is the fact that sex complicates things so I figured it was best to hang out on the plateau called date #9. The goal of this challenge is not to go on 17 dates in a year, it was for me to grow as a person. Passing up opportunities out of fear was not acceptable.

Date: July 2, 2008
Location: Gingerman
Time: 7 pm
Duration of date: 12 hrs 30 min
Occupation: Teacher
Age: 26

So crazy paid off. After a week of emailing back and forth on Facebook he asked me out.

We met at the gingerman at 7. He was at the table in the far corner, reading a book and drinking a beer. I got a beer. We talked for a long time. We had another round of beer. More talking. He asked about dinner. I said I wasn’t super hungry but I would go grab food with him. I was feeling the beer so food was a good idea.

We walked to Taverna. He was hobbling due to a broken toe. I was a little tipsy. We ordered capresi and some wine (I filed the disclaimer that I could drink no more). We talked more, we ordered dinner. More talking. I drank the wine. The trek to the restroom was a little tricky. Then I did the unthinkable. The check came and I let him pay.

He asked what I would be up for next. I said that I could not drive home right now. He said we could go for a walk. I vetoed because he was being stubborn about the foot. We ended up at Betsy’s bar. He got makers and something. I had LOTS of water. We talked some more. The truth came out about the email. He admitted to putting a lot of work into those. I admitted that I put the effort in because I was writing to an english teacher. At some point I leaned towards him and put my head against his. Then we were making out in the bar. He held my hand. He had his hand on my thigh, then he was running his hand along my leg, then his hand was under my skirt (AND I DIDN’T STOP HIM). We were THAT couple. Making out in the bar.

We left the bar and he asked what I wanted to do next. I said, driving was not an option for me. He asked if I wanted to hand out with him some more. I said that would be cool. He asked if I’d like to see his school. So we hiked up to his school. He showed me his classroom. We made out there. Then we made out in his car (it was parked at school). Here is where I debated asking him to take me back to Em’s house so I could sleep on her couch.

I went to his place. He filed the disclaimer that his house was a mess. I shouldn’t let it reflect poorly on him because his roommate is a slob. His room was really clean. We talked for a bit. Then it was more making out. (when I told em the story earlier she asked if i was sober enough to make clear decisions. was it the liquor talking?) I was in complete control of the situation. I removed my own underpants. We made out some more. Then it was obvious that the sex was going to happen. I said that I had condoms in my purse. Game ON! That’s right, the 2 year drought is over.

There was sex and talking and more making out. I think that I got 2 hours of sleep. I did have some issues keeping my mouth shut. I brought up the 2 year drought. I told him that this is one of the few dates that I’ve gone on recently that didn’t end in the awkward hug. I told him that the sex on the first date never happens.

The sleepover. Umm, he held me all night. I couldn’t escape. I wanted to be on a side of the bed on my own with covers. So clingy in the bed. He said that I should call in sick and he would take me to my car on the way to work.

We were up before the alarm rang. More making out. There was no sex though. He showered while I rounded up my clothes. I checked out the contents of his room too. Not bad. He is moving this weekend. He is trading in a roommate for the cat that has been living with his parents.

He said that he wanted to see me again. He asked what I was doing on Friday and could he take me out to dinner. I told him that he didn’t have to buy my dinner.

He dropped me off at my car around 7:30 and tried to convince me to skip work. He didn’t have to be at work until 9 but I realized that my car needed to be moved before 8 (it was at a meter). He kissed me and said that he would call me later.

I managed to get to my house at 8. I got showered and dressed and was in my office at 8:30.

He sent me a really sweet email that morning. We shall see how this plays out.

Date: May 25, 2008
Location: El Arroyo
Time: 7:45pm
Duration of date: 2 hrs 15 min
Occupation: Web Designer/Student
Age: 33

This guy showed up with a mountain man beard. Can you say “CREEPY” boys and girls?

This dude was weird. I think part of it was nerves. But still, something beyond that was wrong. He claimed to be a vegetarian/vegan. Then he said that he was curious about meat sometimes and would eat it. WTF! His main mode of transportation is his bicycle. He knows nothing about bikes and repair though. Not impressed.

He asked most of the questions. I was trying not to appear bored (come on mexican martini, work your magic). Then he dropped the bomb. He asked what my guiding principles and beliefs were. That is not a first date question. That a question to be asked when drunk or under the influence. Or maybe after sex. Totally inappropriate for a first date.

When dinner was over, he asked if I would be up for going to the Gingerman for a beer or hanging out somewhere. I had my one Mexican Martini with my dinner and I wanted to escape. Then there was the payment for dinner thing. I suggested that we split the check. I figured that it was best not to lead this dude on.

At the end of the date I attempted the patented “handshake and run”. Unfortunately I got into the awkward hug. Then he tried to kiss me. I am hoping he wanted to kiss my cheek. That’s what he got (or a mouthful of hair).

I guess this goes under 17 dates. I only have 6 though, man why did I take myself outta commission for so long? Anyhow:

The crazy got me.

I took it upon myself to e-mail the dude a friend’s been talking about. I thought he was great. I made a slightly bad decision on where to go for drinks, but we resolved that about halfway through the evening.

Once we left the first horrible place and ended up at the second one everything seemed to be going well. I thought we had a lot of things to talk about, but maybe that was the two martinis that I had.

I didn’t feel wasted, but looking back on it, I did mention how two martinis made me a little buzzed. Which is probably why the next thing happened. So the bar we were at closes at midnight. They kicked us out at midnight, so we decided to go and sit outside and talk some more, we sat on the tail-gate of his truck. And now that I realize he was just being nice and waiting for me to sober up enough to drive home I feel like an idiot.

In my pseudo drunken state (I really was just nervous, and not trying to get drunk… boo) I thought we had so much in common, that we could talk about books and climbing and music. Yeah well I guess he was just humoring me so that he was sure I could get home safely.

When I finally felt better I started getting tired, so I told him I had to go home. He walked me back to my car, gave me the slightly awkward hug, and started to walk away. Again, I’ll reiterate, I was crazy. So I said, “What was that?” I really didn’t get it. I asked him if he wanted to see me again. Oh stupid me! WTF, really? I’m pretty sure I caught him off guard a little, but he was honest. He said something about other circumstances…. Which I translated to, no, I’m not interested in you that way, but if I see you out with other friends, I’ll be polite and you should too.

So even if he isn’t interested, I still give him points. He was honest with me after all.

I’m not even sure I should go into the rest of the random ramblings I’ve been thinking about that date. Maybe that’ll wait for another post. I’ll just leave this and say: Thanks for being honest with me dude. That makes you a stand-up guy even if you’re not interested. Oh and thanks for waiting around till I could drive home, that too makes you a stand up guy, even if you were not even mildly amused by my rantings.

So I had a bunch of date related stuff typed up and decided to use Blogger’s scheduler to make sure that things got published. This scales back on the spontaneity but it gets content out there on a more frequent basis. Unfortunately, I will have to get back on the dating train to avoid running out of content.

The dating thing was starting to get a little crazy. Part of me was thinking about going on some dates that were bound for disaster just to get a story (ie. dude with 7 cats. BTW. Ask the Arab is about 90% true). I was beginning to feel like one of those crazy tabloid writers that follows Britney and Lindsay around for a story. NOT GOOD. That totally defeats the point behind the exercise.

Even though I have no clue who my readership is I would like to believe that they would appreciate REAL, yet highly entertaining, content. I would also like dates with substance rather than losing precious minutes of my life that I will never get back.