I’ve always thought of myself as pretty approachable. I guess it’s true. My school friend and I were sitting in the cafeteria last week studying/finishing up some final business for our speech class and it seemed like every nerd in the place had to come talk to us.

It wasn’t like we were advertising or anything Our boobs were fully in our shirts, it was just strange. We weren’t talking to other people or anything, just minding our own business.

Weird though. Just the other day I was talking to a climbing friend of mine, saying how I cannot seem to get any dates at all. He said I was just picky. Maybe he’s right. The Jew and I were talking last week and decided that it would be good to no judge people any longer. I’m notorious for judging people within the first 5 minuets of talking to them.

So for the next month I will really try hard not to judge people and thus, be a little less picky.

P.S. There are really good things about being picky; like ending up with the friends that I have. They’re awesome. But that being said, maybe I’m a little too hard on strangers. So this will be a social experiment for the next month. I’ll keep you updated.

I still write you letters. I don’t know if I will ever send them. But I will keep writing them and stashing them in my journals or typing them on my computer and saving them on my hard drive. I need that outlet.

Will these letters become anything more than their original purpose? Will they become lyrics for a song like Alanis wrote? Will I write a book? Will I create a mixed media art project? I don’t know. What I do know is that you made enough of an impact for me to still write you letters to tell you how my day went, to tell you things I’ve been pondering, to ask you about your life, to tell you that I miss you.

I think it may be cyclical, I feel fine for a few months, then in comes the crazy again. It just sneaks up on me too. So strange.

I might be a seasonal thing, but I really don’t know what causes it. Just when I feel I’ve overcome the nuttiness, it comes back to kick me in the butt. What is that? Seriously?

I’m sure that it in part has to do with my current amount of boy crazy that I am at the moment. I feel totally normal having random crushes all the time. It’s me with the “Ooh he’s cute, what nice eye candy.” But lately that’s all I seem to think. Maybe I’m jaded. I’ll chalk it up to not wanting to let anyone in until they’ve proven something of themselves to me. I think that’s totally fair.

In my perfect world I would have someone to make out with on a regular basis, then go home to my own bed and my own house, alone thankyouverymuch! Is that so wrong?

I really think the crazy comes back when I’m least expecting it because I’ve gotten over it from last time, then it just reels me back in. Well good blog readers, it’s time to cut the cord. No more miss nice guy. No more of this elusiveness, you’re either in or out. I don’t do well with this in between thing, it totally drives me crazy.

The thing to keep that crazy in check is realizing that no matter how much I want something I cannot change people, and they will just be. I need to just be, if I could accept my just being-ness then I’d probably be less crazy. That’s a thought, probably not too attainable right now, but eh, I’ll work on it. That’s all I can really do, and if I say I am working on it, I’ll feel better, right?

So I went a little crazy this week with the whole interweb stalking. When M and I get bored we send each other the M4W Craigslist postings. Since she has been on a hot streak recently I was a little jealous and decided to take action.

I responded to a ton of ads. The one response I got was from a super hot guy who was interested in me (or my legs). Unfortunately he posted his ad in the wrong city (he lives in CA). I moved on to the Chronicle’s personals. I was debating signing up for their service. Not sure I want to go there. There are a handful of interesting people.

In my craziness, I used the interweb for evil. I stalked a boy. I ran a few keywords in his profile through google. Then I located a name which I could run through the “friend finder” in MySpace and Facebook. Normally I stop myself at this point. But as I said before, “I WAS CRAZY”. So I sent this boy an email on Facebook. It felt a little “Dateline NBC: To Catch a Predator” but I did it anyways. I admitted to stalking him in the email. (IMHO Facebook is not really the place to be picking up dudes. That is a MySpace thing).

I sent the Arab a text message saying that I needed help. The first step to sobriety is admitting you have a problem. I got on the elliptical machine to for a bit. I can’t use the computer there. Later, I emailed M and Meg to let them know about the crazy and that I had put myself in time out. I was traveling for work and I was going to back away from the interweb. They were rather amused.

At this point in time I can say that crazy paid off. Stay tuned.

Part of my frustration with dating is that I don’t know exactly what I am looking for. I will know it when I see it I think. In the back of my mind I know that eventually I would like to meet someone who is just like one of my best guy friends that I could never date because I feared that the friendship wouldn’t survive if it didn’t work out.

I am often too grounded. I question everything. I like looking after people. I need adventure, a co-conspirator, someone who can convince me that fairies exist.

I think this has sparked a recent interest in younger men. I joked about being a cougar in training. I am not looking at dating a twinkie. Just someone who hasn’t become bitter and jaded like myself.

Don’t ask me why, but there are just some people that you will do anything for, no matter what. I got a call yesterday. A friend had just been dumped by her stupid fucktard boyfriend (they had been dating for a year). She didn’t come right out and say what was wrong or what had happened but I knew when she asked what I was doing I knew that it wasn’t as important as what we were about to do. She needed to get her stuff out of his house. ASAP.

I was there in 25 minutes with an empty car. An hour later we had both cars full. She was free. We left before either of us did something we might regret. There were a few judgment calls made on whether or not to take the laundry detergent or some of the food in the fridge.

After unloading both cars, we went out for drinks and talked for a long time about failed relationships. We pondered whether it was ok to be angry/jealous because so many people we know are in the perfect relationship. We wondered how many failed relationships a person must survive to get to the good stuff.

All of this from a friendship that almost didn’t happen. You’d never believe that when I first met her I was determined to hate her. All because of a stupid boy. Lucky for us, Megan changed my mind.

I warn you now that I am in a post Slut-o-ween slump. Meg’s man dared to ask why I was all slutted up at the party last night. He asked if I had planned on going home with anyone. I looked around and said that he and Meg were my only candidates for the evening. I basically slutted up the Halloween outfit for my own self. To prove that I still had it (and to remind me that the elliptical machine is my friend).

Anyways, this is not about Slut-o-ween. It’s about the recent observation about guys (I refuse to call them boys or men) my age and older. They seem to be serial dating/f-ing nothing but these barely twentysomethings. From now on we shall call them Twinkies. This was a name that was formerly reserved for my friend Duc who was fighting off his inner asian but it makes more sense in this arena.

Why Twinkies? Let’s look to the Wikipedia…
Let’s see, they are JUNK FOOD. Food of no nutritional value (aka not so good for your health). They seemed good at the time but in the long run you should have chosen something else. Twinkies may be junk food but they aren’t going away anytime soon, they have a long shelf life. Loaded with preservatives, they could have the potential to mess up your plans for a one night stand.

So why do I care about the choices that these guys are making? First I made it about me. Why are they going after the damn snack cakes when they could have something more substantial, more decadent, like chocolate cake, made with real ingredients? (Ok, That made me laugh to even type it out). I got over that quick. I cared because they decided to air their dirty laundry and complain about said Twinkies. There are only so many conversations that I can take on this topic now that I am 30.

Then I recalled the Twinkie Defense… The excuse of a murderer but it works well in this story. The fall of the relationship could never be their fault. Because these guys have chosen something that was obviously a bad idea they couldn’t be blamed for fouling up a relationship.

Eventually these guys will come to their senses. Afterall they have moved up from beer to decent wine. In time their emotional palate will mature.

I am done with men. (no I don’t plan on knitting a sweater as my man replacement).

I think life would be easier without them. I will check out on them before more check out on me. That’s my plan and I’m sticking to it for now.

People keep telling me that one day I will find the right one. Or that I should just find the one for right now. It is beginning to sound a lot like Charlie Brown’s teachers “waa-waa whaa-whaa”.

I will confess to the internet once again that I had one hell of a dream last night. It’s been a while since I had a dream that intense. The shocking part was that it involved me and my friend’s man. No one cheated on anyone. Somehow it was one of those right place/right time post break up reboundish kind of things.

If only I could plan these dreams to occur on mornings that I could sleep in. This one was rudely interrupted by my alarm. I don’t think it’s one of those, want what you can’t have type situations. Most of the time the men in my dreams are pretty random. Mostly people I know, but totally chosen at random. If I were going to break some rules I would go for someone’s husband.

I have rules about dating after my friends. It is just a bad idea. You know too much about the person (cause girls talk). I did it once, but from now on I’ll pass on seconds.

Apparently I didn’t get the memo. But I did see this ad on MySpace (No, I am not as supporter of this “TRUE” dating site. MySpace just sells them a lot of ad space. I don’t even find the dude in the picture attractive. They could have chosen a better picture to announce the kick off of boyfriend season.). I didn’t know that boyfriends were ever out of season. My question is, When is fuckbuddy season? Does that season exist? I don’t necessarily have time for a boyfriend type person. Not right now. I could go for a friends with benefits type person. Someone to hang out with, see a show, maybe a movie, and have really great sex (or maybe just make out on my couch).