Dear Arab-
Would it be a good idea to go out with a dude with 7 cats? he just got out of a long-term relationship a week ago and claims that it was over long ago (she is in the process of moving out). We’ve been emailing back and forth and he doesn’t appear to be that damaged.

curious kitten

Kitty-
Never date a guy who’s number of cats is larger than the number of women with whom he’s slept.

Let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that he’s slept with 8 women. It’s probably also safe to assume he accumulated the cats though his relationship with the ex. If he still has the cats, then he’s not over his ex. Do you really want to date a guy who’s not over his ex? You will end up in one of the following two situations: a really needy guy who can’t do anything by himself or a lot of meaningless sex. Figure out which situation this will be. If your OK with the predicted outcome, then go for it. If you do go for it, make sure to close the bedroom door or be prepared to deal with claws on your back.
-The Arab

So dear Arab,

Why do guys express interest to the point of giving us things and making
out with us, then just disappear into thin air? What’s up with that?

-Left Wondering

Dear Left Wondering,

I’ll give you two answers and let you pick which one fits this situation best.

Answer 1:
Guys are a lot like cats. When you dangle a string in front of a cat, he
may look at it, but if you don’t move it, he’ll loose interest really
quickly. The best way to keep the cat interested in the string is to
dangle it right in front of him and yank it just out of reach whenever he
tries to grab it. So, in this simile, you are like the string. If you
want to keep the guy interested, you need to pull yourself just out of
reach whenever he thinks he’s getting you. Of course, if you play this
game too long, the guy will get frustrated and give up.

Answer 2:
You might be thinking about this way too much. This is a really busy time
of year for some people. It’s possible he’s working long hours, traveling,
or dealing with some other personal issues that are taking up a lot of his
time. Wait a week or two to see if things calm down for him. If it seems
he’s never going to have free time, then you move on and find someone who
can give you the attention you deserve.

-The Arab

Dear Arab-

I just met this guy. We we’ve only gone on one date. I am mildly attracted to him. I have a feeling the sex would be good. But I don’t see him getting along with my friends or anything long term.

-longtermlover

Dear longtermlover
The bottom line is you should trust your instincts. If you don’t think you can see yourself with him for at least six months, they why go though the trouble of a second date? Unless of course you really just want some sex. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, and no one should think any less of you for it. Just be honest with yourself.

-The Arab

So I ended up at the Arab’s place on Saturday. I wanted to check out a real bachelor pad. The liquor cabinet was stocked. The music was queued up. The only thing missing was a remote that controlled everything (including the blinds).

We discussed the placement of pillows and blankets in the living room. He explained the contents of the coffee table (magazine choices). The candles, the chess set, everything had a purpose. He showed me where he condoms were stashed (not where I would expect, I keep mine in the remote holder).

We toured the bookcase. Although he slipped up in the display. “The Game” was parked next to a brightly jacketed book. This lead my eye straight to it. I showed the Arab how to hide his guidebooks in plain site.

I didn’t make it to the bedroom. Stay tuned…

Dear Arab, WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?

So, I met this dude. I decided to meet him it at his house around 10. We talked. We drank some wine. We ended up making out on the couch. All of a sudden, he’s telling me that I am beautiful. Anyways, we talked some more then I end up in his bed (clothes still on). We listen to music and continue making out. Things progress, we fooled around a bit, I somehow ended up topless and we debated having sex. He said that he wasn’t going to have sex with me. (part of me trusted him, part of me didn’t). He actually kept his word. Then things got a little weird. In between the fooling around, he told me that he was starting to fall for me. He held me and we end up spooning and I almost fell asleep there. Then I told him that I needed to go home. I needed to sleep in my bed. He told me that I should stay and fall asleep with him. It was late and I shouldn’t drive home (no worries, I was sober). I bolted the first chance I got.

-Running scared

Dear Running scared,

This guy made a classic rookie mistake. This guy is definitely not a pickup artist. Oh, he may find plenty of women who fall for his tricks and sleep with him, but I doubt he goes out on many second or third dates. He made the mistake of skipping through some steps and trying to sleep with you before he established trust with you. He said he didn’t want to sleep with you, but that was just his way not pressuring you. Trust me, it’s easier to sleep with a girl if she doesn’t think you want to sleep with her. He would have had sex if you would have let him. Never trust a guy who tells you you’re beautiful while you’re making out. He’s usually just trying to make you feel good so you’ll go a little further. This guy is not really long term material. He was trying to sleep with you right away without building a relationship first.

-the Arab

Dear Arab,

Pickup artists and spooning? Would this type of guy allow a girl to hang out in his bed with no expectations? Is it weird that they would be into spooning on the first date?

-snugglebunny

Dear Snugglebunny,

I’m into spooning. It’s really relaxing.

As for spooning on the first date… Yeah, why not? I generally do not bring a girl back to my place on the first date, so there usually isn’t any spooning on the first date. If you move too fast, you won’t get a second date. But if she comes back to my place on the second date and spends the night, I’ll expect some spooning. I have certain rules about how well I have to know a girl before we have sex. It’s usually difficult to learn enough about a girl on the first date, so spooning may come before sex. (Of course there are exceptions for every rule.)

-The Arab