I recently had the opportunity to go speed dating for free.  They were short women for the “upscale” singles event.  The first thought in my mind was this…

…a hot guy in a suit.  Ok, so it was 100 degrees and we would be on a patio but, I DON’T CARE!  Ok maybe he would  be in lightweight linen pants and a short sleeved or maybe rolled up sleeve button down shirt.

Or maybe he would be into fashion and look this guy (I am a Refinery29 addict now)…

In my head this man is definitely NOT wearing khakis.  Nor would he be wearing shorts on a Thursday evening after work (unless he was out exercising or on a boat).

What was I wearing?  A simple knit dress.  Clean cut, bat-wing sleave, v-cut hem.  The print was geometric (halston-esque).  I think I had on heels as well.  I was Jen the fashion designer.

Needless to say, this event wasn’t as classy as expected.  The ladies definitely out scored the men on the classyometer (that is now a word). This round I had zero picks.  But to be fair there were four repeats from last time.

So the other day I drunk impulse bought a registration for speed dating.    I’ve done it once before and  based on my year long failure of acquiring a date on OkCupid  (more on this later) I decided to take a chance.

I wasn’t feeling awesome.  I was actually running a low grade fever.  I tossed on a black jersey dress, red shoes, and a belt and headed for the Highball.  I walked in, grabbed a soda water with lime and slapped on my name tag.

“Hi, my name is Jen. I am a seamstress and I work in vintage restoration and reproduction. ”

Why talk about the gov’t job that I don’t like?  Besides, I was going for less intimidating.   Over the course of my 13 mini dates I discovered at least 3  more people living dual lives.  Most of them were musicians.  Not bad.

I am not going to discuss each “date” in detail.  My notes weren’t as detailed as last time.  If you want more details, well maybe you should pay for me to attend another one.  I can say that there are two guys  I would actually go out with.  There were two more that I would consider just hanging out with as friends.

What I would like to discuss, is how poorly the event was run.  This was the first time I used this service.  I probably would have reconsidered based on the poor web interface. But alas, I was drunk when I signed up.  They promised snacks and drink specials, what I saw was a sad tray of crackers and after surveying a few attendees the drink specials were few and far between.

If you haven’t been to speed dating before, it goes like this. You put on your name tag.  They hand you a sheet of paper to make notes on (they don’t give you enough so bring your own).  They seat you and your “date” at a table and you get anywhere from 6-10 minutes (this time it was 6) to find out as much as possible about the other person.  They ring a bell when the time is up and they make one gender rotate (this time males rotated).  Usually they give you a little time to write down notes or they tell you when the bathroom breaks are.  Not this time.  To make matters worse, we started out minus 3 ladies, this meant the guys had extra chill time.

After the event, you are supposed to log back in to the horrible website and click on the people that you are interested in contacting. If by some chance they want to contact you as well you will get their contact info.  The site has no personal information to aid in your judgement.  It would be nice if I could find out if either of the people I selected were smokers.  That is a deal breaker.

If anyone at the Highball is listening.  You should run your own speed dating event or “dating game”.  Nerd Night does it.  Get the action pack to run it.

Superman/Clark Kent - Superman Fan Art (546265)

…are never in the same place.  The same is true of M and myself when it comes to relationships.   One of us is always single.

I mentioned it to 2.0 a week or so ago and he asked if we did it on purpose so someone could be there for support.  I said that was not the case.  It just happens.

Thursday night before the Flossy show, M and I went through the full chronology of our friendship and I was right.  She asked if she should ditch 2.0 so I could date someone [Obviously she was kidding.]   I told her that it really shouldn’t have to be that way.  One of these we will go on a double date.  Just not now.

Recently I’ve received a few apology letters from boys that I went on a handful of dates with.  I don’t know what it is, maybe they thought I was still hung up on them, b/c they were just that wonderful. Ha! yeah right.

Went on about two dates with each, had an alright time, but there was really nothing there that compelled me to want to go on more  dates with either of them.  I would go if they asked and probably would also have had an alright time.  However, neither was smart enough, interesting enough, or really hot enough that I would take time to try to make plans.

The hysterical thing is, they must have hugely inflated egos.  Why would you need to apologize to someone you only went on two dates with after you (maybe in an unsaid manner, but still) mutually agreed that it wasn’t really all that worth it.

Boys: I was just being polite, it was clear that neither of you understood my intellect.  This is not to say that I’m smarter (I don’t need to say that, I know, you know, and we know it).  I just have a different way of thinking about things, from you.  I admit I’m a bit kooky, crazy even, but I’m sure as hell you’ve never met anyone quite like me.

I think it goes without saying that they also didn’t bother to get my point of view, and perhaps that’s the most important part of it all. They never tried to understand my sarcasm.  I know that’s partially my fault too, maybe I wrote them off too early.  But in all honesty, I feel that anyone who’s worth my time, will show me almost instantly.

It’s a little cocky on your part to think that I’d be hung up on you.  So, sorry to burst your bubble, but truth is, I know I deserve, and have better people in my life.  It’s even a little rude to send those e-mails.  I know why you did it though, to bolster your ego, and I’m ok with that. As long as you can sleep at night.  The only thing is that it’s a bit unfair to bolster your ego at the expense of someone else.

More than anything else, the e-mails made me mad.  However, I do also know it’s not worth my time to bother responding.  Go on, off into the ether. Thanks for playing, but you loose.

Here’s an excerpt from the e-mails, it’s great for a laugh: He titled his e-mail “Sorry”

I am too genuine to even let a trite 2 date thing let go.  So I am sorry for not responding to you.  I was in a place.  I liked you, but I didn’t want to expose you to things so I just….let it go. It’s the crap that I complain about, and I did it myself.  So, I am sorry for not at least saying….something.  Because it’s rude, and I’d be pissed too.  I hope things are going better for you now.  It is a thing I hate for me to be just “another asshole guy”.  Because I try to be nice.  I am a “nice guy” and actually pretty sick of it.

Genuine? Really? Um, if you were a real man you would have said something at the time.  I was ok just letting it go, srsly.

It is a”thing” for me to be misunderstood.  I lose it when someone doesn’t understand what I’m saying.  And it’s why I never responded.  So there.

Uh, dude, you’re misunderstood because you don’t know how to communicate clearly and concisely. You’re going to blame me for not understanding you?  That’s not on me buddy.

But I cut it short.  I was afraid to see.  If you haven’t noticed already, it’s all or nothing with me  I’m supposed to do “me time” but, I know what I want.  Sort of.  Maybe..  I guess I felt I should say these things.  Just so I am not “another” asshole.  I used “quotes” a lot here.  Oh well..
Uh…./emo off

Get over yourself dude.

Here’s the other one I got.  This one didn’t so much make me angry, but more confused.  I still didn’t really think there was much in common here, but it was a much nicer e-mail than the “I’m really a nice guy, so I have to tell you, but I can’t communicate or be bothered to try to.”
I think this one is more about hoping I’ll respond and maybe he can go on more dates with me. Sorry dude. It wasn’t terrible, but I have better/more important people to spend time with.

Hey M,
I just wanted to wish you happy Summer. I know with so many things going on that we went apart but I had a really great time with you.  You possess that rare quality of beauty and intelligence that I’m finding is incredibly rare here and everywhere in the world.

However, it was nice that he said I am intelligent. At least this dude bothered to try to get that.  I bet if I saw him out somewhere, I’d be polite, maybe even buy him a drink.  I doubt I’ll run into him though.

I don’t care if douchebaggery isn’t a word.  I needed a good descriptor for what is to follow.

<soapbox>

I got a disturbing round of texts yesterday about the use of a friend’s photos in their ex’s new online dating profile.  Really?  Specifically about a picture taken with their pet.  Seriously,  pictures with your ex’s animal(s) do not score you points in the sensitivity arena.  How do you handle the questions about said animal in chats or on the first date?  Do you make up a story about how fluffy was hit by a car and it has been a hard few years, but now you can finally deal with the loss?  Inquiring minds want to know.

A long time ago, the staff put together a few lists of profile do’s and don’ts (here, and here).  As always, I say skip using your past to advertize your present self.  How hard is it to get a friend to take a few pictures?  If you don’t have friends, try a fucking camera with a tripod and timer.  My cheap ass netbook does a good job of taking profile pictures.

</soapbox>

So M and I buy tickets for shows during pre-sale or within seconds of tickets going on sale.
This is Austin, venues are small, shows WILL sell out.  When we tell you to buy your tickets, you should listen.  90% of the time we are right.

M bought the tickets for the upcoming Passion Pit/Tokyo Police Club show the day they went on sale. As always, we debated the need for an extra pair of tickets just in case.  We had a feeling that it would sell out fast so we decided to get them and deal with them later.

We bought our tickets for Miike Snow and the Middle East during SXSW (after we stumbled home from the Spin party).  We didn’t know if we would be available on those dates but we knew we couldn’t wait.  We ended up buying two extra tickets for Miike Snow because we knew that inevitably, one of our friends would forget to buy their ticket.

We attempted to get tickets to the Phoenix show (I gave M my credit card # so she could buy them for me while I was at the office).  Tickets went on sale at 10am.  M had the computer queued up at 9:45.  At 9:58 she attempted to hit the button to see if she could buy tickets. No luck.  The sale started at 9:56.  The show sold out in 2 minutes.

Vampire Weekend was a show we were on the fence about seeing.  Sadly we spent too much time on the fence and missed out on tickets to that show.

I received the email from the Pixies mailing list about the presale for the Doolittle tour over the weekend. I am not that excited about the show being at the Music Hall but it’s the Pixies and they rarely tour.  M and I WILL be going in September.

Fast forward to now…
Miike Snow (sold out). Great show, sadly Antone’s is not the greatest place to see a band.  The Jew got one of the spare tickets and the other one was sold on CL.

Middle East/Mumford and Sons (sold out and moved to another venue to sell out again).  La Zona Rosa was a much better venue to see this band.

Passion Pit/Tokyo Police Club (sold out, they added another day and they sold out again).  M and I plan on getting their early enough to be close enough to eat their faces.  The Jew gets the spare ticket.  Sometime between now and the show one lucky person will get the last ticket.

I recently went out with a dude with a beard (It’s a sensible, trimmed, full-beard/moustache combo.  A good accessory for one of those corduroy jackets with elbow patches).    I met him on the internet and based on the photos, I had a 50/50 chance of facial hair.  For those of you who know me, this is a rarity.  I’ve lucked out and for the most part I have dealt with minimal face fuzz (sideburns, goatee, 5 o’clock shadow).  Would I stop going out with a guy because of facial hair decisions alone?  Probably not.  But if he were to go crazy and shave his beard into the porn stache, or trim the sensible beard into a chin beard… he may have to go.

In the meantime, I have a friend who’s woman WANTS him to grow some facial hair.  I have no clue why.  He is totally opposed to the idea.  I think he has grown a ridiculous soul patch to appease her.

For those of you on the hunt for dudes with ‘staches, Misprint magazine is hosting their 4th Annual Beard and Moustache Contest on February 19th at the Mohawk

So, I have started a letter writing campaign (on-line dating again).   This time, it is in the name of science.  A friend sent me a link to this blog entry by the super nerds that run the dating site (yes, they run stats on everything).  They were looking at how race effects reply rate (they have looked at a whole host of reasons why people may or may not respond to your message). The numbers generated this nicely colored chart.

The chart shows that:

Men don’t write black women back. Or rather, they write them back far less often than they should. Black women reply the most, yet get by far the fewest replies. Essentially every race—including other blacks—singles them out for the cold shoulder.

My first instinct was to delete my profile and end my Don Quixote type search.  But then I figured that I should keep on in the name of science.  It’s a lot like casting bottled messages out to sea.

I sent the dudes and email not to long ago asking if they have looked at the numbers by location.

Stay tuned.

I was inspired to harness the power of social networking after M forwarded a tweet from a guy who was looking for a date.

Alright, twitter friends, I need a date. With a girl. Just dinner and such. PS-I have a job and a car. RT! RT!

Simple and to the point. Apparently this guy decided it was worth a try to use twitter to get a date before the end of the year vs. paying for internet dating sites.   I am curious to see how that goes.

M and my sis made an attempt to find me a date on Twitter last February.  I think the failure was that the “ad” took 3 to 4 tweets.  This time I went with something simple.

In my head this was safer than posting or trolling on CL to keep myself entertained this winter while M is on vacay.

After almost a year long hiatus, I have decided to get back on the horse and start dating again.

I use the term dating loosely.  I am really looking for a new partner in crime.  With M in school I have been left to my own devices most of the time.  On occasion I will go out on my own, but more often I am holed up in my house.

What exactly am I seeking out in a partner in crime.  A slightly more punctual, male version of M (I suppose I could take a female applicant, but I’d rather a male because I would like additional benefits).  Someone who will get me out of the house to see shows or grab drinks/dinner.  It would be nice if they lived in the Downtown/Mexico area.  After eight years of living in a house up North, I have decided that the numbered streets are much better.