So every thing’s been going really well lately. Met an awesome guy, school’s almost done, but there’s some things that people don’t really ever shake.

I dunno what it was, maybe a combination of reading Jen’s post and listening to sad music, but I just got a horrible homesick feeling. I miss my family. I keep saying that it’s ok, I’ll be back to visit soon, and October’s not too long away, but wow that was totally unexpected.

I will say, the karma’s been good to me lately, but you know how it’s all going great, then one little thing makes you think. Just that one sad song gets you.

Again this is a lesson in humility for me I know I say that a lot, but really this year is a super good lesson in humility for me. I should be way more thankful of the good times and good stuff, because it’s totally true, I never know when that sadness will strike. I’m definitely not saying this is stopping me in my tracks, but I just felt a little crappy, and I wanted it out of my head.

Really, isn’t that the whole point of writing this. (I know for sure that since I’ve been posting more frequently I feel a lot better.) Getting some of the bad out makes more room for the good.

So now back to my regularly scheduled good karma.

So today I had a little breakdown. I was in the middle of an email conversation (with that boy I stalked). He had asked if I had pets.

I have a cat named Louis that I found when I lived in the Co-op. I never saw myself with a pet, I only had fish growing up. He was a little west campus dumpster diving kitty that needed a home. I have had him for almost 10 years. He is a house cat during the winter and he tends to disappear a lot in the summer. He’s been M.I.A. for the last month though. This time I think he really may be gone for good. I had been preparing myself for the day that he didn’t come home but this will take some getting used to. I suppose there are worse ways to lose a pet. A friend of mine actually saw his cat get hit by a car. Other friends have had to deal with putting a pet to sleep.

Then I broke down. While I have always known that my illusive kitty would stop coming home one day, I hadn’t really prepared for it. Writing all of this down hit me really hard. I decided to pack up all of of Louis’ stuff and put it in the closet. Then I didn’t want to be in the house at all. went home. I needed my mom. I needed to cry. I needed a hug.

My mom did what mom’s are supposed to do. They let you get it out of your system. She was the keeper of my cat for awhile and new of his transient habits. She said that I should have called and she would have helped me pack up his stuff. I told her I thought I could handle it. She asked if I wanted a new cat. I told her I wasn’t ready for that. I wanted MY cat.

After I calmed down she showed me her latest sewing projects. I showed her the dress I was working on. It needed buttons. She had some in her stash that worked out. We watched Harry Potter. I sewed buttons on the dress. We talked and laughed and I felt better.

When I was about to leave she told me that she was happy that I stopped by unexpectedly. I told her I needed a hug, and buttons.

Since I started this stroll down memory lane…

One of my earliest memories is of this album cover. I also remember listening to it with my dad. I don’t know how old I was but I recall my dad having a big ‘fro.

I don’t have that many memories of hanging out with my dad. He travelled a lot. But this album reminds me of him. I was his princess.

My family has never been that great at communicating. Usually things come up in more of an “oh, by the way” manner, family emergencies included. Like when my grandfather passed away. My dad called my sister to say that we had lost our grandfather. Lost?? Steph didn’t know she was responsible for keeping track of him. Anyways, the message could have been conveyed a little better. Or when my aunt was hospitalized for a heart problem. “Oh, your mom had to leave town to take care of your aunt in the hospital.” No explaination as to what happened. I don’t think that anyone was informed of my car accident (head on collision), until way after the fact. For the most part I was ok. I just had a few broken teeth

So, Steph called me last night. I was in the middle of cooking dinner so I didn’t answer the phone. I checked the voice mail and it sounded a little frantic. ” Mom’s hands are in splints, she has carpal tunnel, Dad took her to the doctor because her hands turned blue”. First I thought, “gee why didn’t mom and dad call me?” Then I called Steph to get the story. I called her first because my parent’s aren’t the greatest at explaining how serious a situation is. Steph and I chatted for a bit about what went down and about our family’s communication problem. She found out that mom went to the hospital for her hands because mom called to ask how much Steph’s hairdresser charged to wash hair. Most mom’s would have pulled the “I brought you into this world card” and said “I am injured, can you come over and wash my hair?” Not my mom. I am guessing that she doesn’t want to be a burden to us like her mom was to her and my aunt. Burdens aside. We all live in the same city. It’s no big deal.

I called mom last night and got the story. She was out walking with her neighbor and her hands turned blue. She came home and they went from blue to red. So dad took her to the doctor. They took some blood tests. They had her come in for more tests and then they told her that she had carpal tunnel and she had to wear splints for the next 2 weeks. I told her that I never heard of blue hands being a symptom of carpal tunnel (I had researched carpal tunnel a few years ago before I was diagnosed as having scar tissue built up in my wrist from that car accident). I told her to hang tight and I would get a second opinion. This was sounding like a vascular problem and that maybe she should ask about those blood tests.

Yet another situation that I am thankful that my best friend is a nurse. I called Meg for her opinion. I was right in guessing that it was a vascular thing. I spent an hour on the phone with Meg playing doctor. I now have a list of thing to ask mom about when I call tomorrow.