The topic of baggage has been brought up on several occasions.  I am working on the train case and M is working on the backpack. Neither of us what the 23 piece luggage set from Darjeeling Limited.

I recently saw Up in the Air with my Yenta (yes, I have a Yenta now).  I will save you from the details since I don’t want to clog this post up with spoiler alert warnings.  I will say that the film was brilliant.  But what else would you expect from the man that gave us Juno and Thank You for Smoking.

Back to the backpack…

George Clooney’s character (the lovable asshole), is a motivational speaker.  His pitch is about a backpack (I am still trying to figure out if the backpack speech has anything to do with the book by John Bytheway.)

How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you’re carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life… (more…)

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Right now, I have two friends going through some personal stuff that they would rather not talk about. They are tired of explaining what has been on constant replay in their heads.  They would like to talk about something else.  Ironically, both of them decided to skip town for a few days in the hopes of clearing their heads.

This got me wondering…Why can’t civilians get the same deal as Government officials and celebrities.  They have people to run damage control.  They can go into a press conference and not have to talk about certain things. Or, should they decided to talk about one of these touchy topics, they only have to say it once, and then they are done.

As a friend, I have decided not to ask these people what happened or why these things occurred.  It’s not my business.  Besides, it is pretty obvious that they are not in a good place right now.  I merely listen and ask what do they need.   You should do the same.

Don't F* with Santa from Austincacophony

Last night, M and I wound up at the Gingerman with the Jew and the Arab (The Jew is prefers to drink between the two highways vs. venturing into Hipstertown.).   It was a low key evening of beer and conversation.  Meanwhile downtown was being invaded by hundreds of Santas.

Santas?  Yes, Virgina, last night was Santacon. According to the Wikipedia, Santacon is
a mass gathering of people dressed in Santa Claus costumes parading publicly on streets and in bars in cities around the world. The focus is on spontaneity and creativity, while having a good time and spreading cheer and goodwill.

I had received a Facebook invite not too long ago from the Austin Santa Rampage group, inviting me to join them for Santarchy/Santacon.  There plan was to swarm the downtown area from noon-until the bars closed.  I was surprised that there were so many rules for this mass gathering of jolly people.  The first rule about Santacon is that you can’t talk about Santacon.  Seriously.  There was the FB invite with vague instructions.  If you RSVP’d yes you were sent an email with additional details (Santa rules/guidelines, the starting point, and a website to read the FAQs).  From the website you could get the Twitter account to follow so you knew what bar the Santas were invading.

The Great Wendini (my new yenta) invited to roll with her Santa Posse. I spent a chunk of yesterday developing my Santa outfit (which involved a cape trimmed in gold and silver garland).  By the time 7pm rolled around I decided not to join the herd.  I could do a small social gathering/costume party but not this.  This was going to be overwhelming.

According to the rules, Gingerman was to be a Santa-free zone (we spotted a few renegade Santas on the back porch).    After Gingerman, M, the Jew, and myself went to 24.  It is in the old Waterloo Icehouse location.  I wasn’t that impressed.  It was partially due to the waiters inability to tell us what cheese was on the cheese plate.   The prices weren’t that great either.

Probably

Most people are just a little crazy in their own little way.  Last night I went on a mini pub crawl with M and the Arab (yes, he is real).  Last night’s topic of discussion was about crazy (or “the crazy” as we prefer to call it). It’s not a horrible thing to be crazy.  Seal says, “that we’re never gonna survive unless we are a little bit crazy.”  Gnarls Barkley was at peace with being crazy.

Here are some benefits (according to the dictionary) that go along with being crazy:

1. intensely enthusiastic; passionately excited
2. senseless; impractical; totally unsound  [Things that lead to innovation are often considered senseless and unsound by people who fear straying from the norm.]
3. having an unusual, unexpected, or random quality, behavior, result, pattern, etc [This describes most things that occur in nature.]
4. mentally deranged; demented; insane [Some of our best innovators fall in the category.] (more…)
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Today, I sent three emails that went a little something like this.

X, meet Y.  I know Y through such and such and they are interested in blah, blah, blah…

Y, meet X.  I know X through such and such and they are interested in blah, blah, blah…

I think you should meet up and discuss Z because,…

Standard introductions for people who I think have common interests and would benefit from the other.

The first, was an email connecting my Ren-faire organizer friend with two people who could assist with sewing/costuming.  The second, was for a friend who needed a date to a wedding an a town that a friend of mine just moved to.  Then, the last one was an email hooking up two friends that were transplanted to LA and need non-plastic people to hang out with.

I try to send these emails out as often as I can.  I may be a hermit sometimes, but people need people.  Streisand was right.

So, at school today, there were student musicians singing on the quad.  When Jen, 10HDG and I went to the free press thing in houston we saw this dude there.  He was spinning around, and we thought he was rolling. Since then, I’ve seen him a few times on campus, and he’s still smiling and telling everyone he loves them.  Now, I think he’s got it figured out.  Maybe a little crazy, but he is always so happy and appears to love everyone.

I took this video today before class, he was singing in celebration of what I think is National Comming Out day.

So last night I left the house to join a few friends on a pub crawl through “Mexico.”  I figured it would be a good opportunity to get out and meet new people.  It wasn’t a complete failure.  I talked to a few people.  But at the same time I was reminded me how much I don’t like being in extremely crowded social situations.

I am not a people person.  Small groups are good.  Even small groups in a bar are ok.  But when you enter the bar with a herd of people that is already crowded,  it gets a little scary.  I start to feel like a lost kid in a crowd who has lost their mom.    I stayed for 75% of the event but after awhile I needed to go back to my posse and just hang out for a bit.  For some people, liquor helps these situations,  After 1.5 beers and 3 vodka tonics, I was still feeling lost and alone in the sea of people.

Towards the end of the night 10hdg and M were back to the usual shenanigans.  Trying to match up their single friends with random strangers in the bar.  This time I managed to escape because they had another victim for the night.  I also think that they sensed that I was exhausted from being around people for the previous 6 hours.  I was at the point where I may have gone fetal if I was rejected by a random stranger. I would rather walk off disappointed that I wasn’t approached by anyone that evening.

Can I keep it down to one rejection per month?  I think I could handle that. At least until I get my rhino heart.

My co-worker and I were once again discussing things that should not be discussed at work.   She is back in the dating game and she came into my office to ask what DTR meant?  I had absolutely no clue.  I asked her what planet the guy she was dating came from.  He’s a little older than me, meaning that he shouldn’t be one of those text talk people (you know, the ones who say “BTW, LOL, WTF, and such”).  After awhile I cheated and asked the urban dictionary. Apparently it means “define the relationship”. Whatever,  apparently my not knowing helped her win a bet.

WTF?  Why did that come up?  They have only been going out for about 6 weeks or so.  I told her that the only thing to be discussed is terms and conditions.  The “I would like to get to know you but I really don’t want to make 10,000 of your babies” type discussion.  Maybe the conversation about sharing your body with other people.  Kissing might be ok but, the whole involvement of someone elses genitalia is not.  Six weeks is not necessarily a time for discussing boundaries.

The next day she pops in my office to brief me on the follow up to the DTR.  Apparently they didn’t have any chats about the R.  I told her that he was probably just checking to see if he had a chance.  He happens to be significantly older than she is.

Then I had to drop the bomb and tell her that she should probably have the monogomy discussion.  Then I find out that she hasn’t even had the cooties discussion.  I told her that is one of the things that I ask BEFORE my underpants come off if I can help it.  Definitely before anyone climbs inside.  I told her there are to mandatory questions.  1) When was the last time you were tested? and 2) Have you had unprotected sex since then?

Then I climbed on my soap box and told her that she should be ontop of all of this stuff.  She is out there in the world and some people are not so careful.  I wasn’t trying to scare her but at the same time I felt the need to do what my friends have done for me and give her a swift kick of reality before the need for an emergency trip to the clinic arises.

Do I practice what I preach?  Hell, yes. I have endured the mandatory two question (preferably 10 question) exam.  I don’t sleep around. I am on birth control and I make sure to have condoms at ALL times.  That’s how I role.  No diseases and no human parasites.

I suppose the next inappropriate discussion will happen on Monday when I bring her a stack of condoms.

Be smart, be safe little readers.

I have heard people say that their significant other is the “calm to their crazy” but last night I actually witnessed it.  I had the opportunity to sit in the middle of an arguement (by choice) for a few hours and watch two people go at it. It was a pretty emotional event but in the end they seemed to come to a resolution.

The thing that really impressed me was their ability to keep at it.  Each one stepped back from the situation when they needed to and to my surprise they kept me out of it, I wasn’t there to take a side.  I listened and reasoned with them.  But for the most part I was just an observer.

When you are dealing with someone emotionally distraught, the real meaning of what has caused them to become so upset usually far below the surface.   A recent event in life has triggered feelings from long ago.  Feelings related to an event that you never got closure from.

It took about 5 hours to get down to the root of the meltdown (and yes, it was the emergence of feelings from the past).  That is commitment.  You would never expect that sort of dedication from someone who wasn’t one of those police/gov’t agents responsible for talking people down from ledges.  You never hear about the husband that talked his wife down from a moment of hysteria.  You should though.  Maybe there would be less broken homes in America if people were able to admit that they have problems and it takes time and effort to resolve them.  No, it’s easier to just walk away.  TV shows us that walking away is ok.  Or it shows us the dramatic side of the demise of a relationship.  The fighting, the breaking things, the substance abuse, etc… Nothing real.  Definitely nothing like this.

For those of you who have never had to talk someone down, here are a few tips (I also encourage you not to be afraid to seek professional help.  Sometimes the problem is too big for you to handle on your own).

1. Get them talking,  ask them how they are feeling.
2. Find out what has caused them to feel that way
3. Often they don’t feel in control of something,  remind them of the things that they have complete control over.
4. Let them cry for a bit.  Get it out of their system. But get them to be emotional about the root of the problem not the insignificant trigger.
5. Empower them, give them options on how to get themselves out of this funk. (I am a big fan of getting people to write it out. Redirect the anger into something productive.)
6. Follow up,  make sure that they have come up with a plan on how to deal with this.
7. Help them implement their plan.
8. Remind them that the world wasn’t built in a day and that it will take time to get past this.
9. No backsliding.  Don’t let them keep bringing back the past issue.  Move them forward.

To the people whose lives I observed: Thanks for showing me what marriage is about.  Yes, things do get ugly but you are there for each other.  Hang in there, take it one day at a time, and this too shall pass.

To the people who have talked me down: Thanks for being there.  I will do my best to return the favor and pay it forward.

I am taking a break from the dating game right now. Instead I will share my observations of life.  Real people. Real relationships.  Good times and bad.  Stuff that you will never see in a 22 minute a week sitcom.  Why?  because there just isn’t time for that sort of thing.

It’s not that I don’t share these things with you. I do.  I just think that I should do it more. If anything, it’s to tell you that you are not alone.