In the last week I have destroyed a giant heap of sweaters (high end sweaters) to produce 9 hat/scarf sets.  There are also a few unmatched hats and scarves.  You might say that is awesome. But it’s not.  The only reason that happened is because I am in a bad mood, and when that happens it is just best for me to be in my sewing cave away from all people (usually destroying things). I am not in some sort of crafter’s holiday rush right now.  My hatred for retail (and bitchy customers) keeps me from selling my stuff in stores and the internet (BTW. If someone out there wants to be the go between for a minimal fee, preferably merch, let me know).

To the people who are concerned about my disappearance or perhaps the fact that I haven’t been answering my phone, stay tuned, you could end up with something nice and warm.

I suppose the plus side to spending a billion hours in front of the sewing machine is that it keeps me off the internet.

If I get that “I’m not ready for a relationship” speech one more time, does Beetle Juice appear? or will the next guy be turned into a goon like Little Bunny Foo Foo? Seriously I need to know. Is there a prize at the bottom of this box of Cracker Jacks we call life or is it just a lot of crumbs?

This 17 dates thing was to help cure me of my trust issues or toughen me up and give me the heart of a rhino. I needed a rhino heart after I got the speech from a guy and then found out that he got engaged a few months later (I still have yet to find out whether this one has lied or not). Do I get my rhino heart at the end of 17 dates or will I crawl in to my cave like Punxsutawney Phil and maybe come out once a year?

My post about the Facebook status update was caused by yet another person who said that they were “not ready…” and yet apparently they were, just not with me. Ah, yes, pictures of them together on the Facebook. The chunks began to rise once again and I learned that I have not developed my rhino heart just yet. The only thing I could do was delete him from my friends list and hope that one day the Facebook people would send the people that I deleted a note. “Jen has just deleted you from her friends list. You are no longer friends. Have a nice day.” It would also be nice if they could just put that little note in the news feed. They let you know when people friend someone. Why not the other way around? “Jen has ended her friendship with X.”

So I spent the morning with my friend’s 3-year-old son who loves me. He thinks I am awesome. He likes me better than his mom’s other friends because I come over and we play, and read, and sometimes I bring him something cool (like cookie dough or games). He is also honest. Today he was being a little fussy. He admitted that he was grumpy (aka it’s him, not me). I was a little grumpy too. We worked through it and had a good time.

So there you have it kids. Tell the truth. Don’t water it down. Don’t offer that chaser of “It’s not you, it’s me” or “you deserve better”. It doesn’t make the bitter pill any easier to swallow.

Does anyone besides me find that little heart icon annoying? MySpace was a little more stealth about the process (or atleast is was in the past, I haven’t been on there in a while).

For those of you living in a rock, this is what I am talking about…

This just happens to be a perfect example of someone who listed themselves in a relationship a little prematurely. Almost a full 11 hours. This one didn’t get to the point where the name of the person that you are in a relationship with gets posted.

A few people on the internet that have something to say about this Facebook trend. Check out a few examples here, here and here.

Please stop the insanity. Is it really that important to announce these details of your life to everyone? Learn how to disable that shit!

In the meantime, I will be figuring out how to not be alerted of relationship status changes.

So there were more emails and a few more dates.

We saw Wall-e on the 4th of July and watched the fireworks from his window. We discovered that our musical tastes were compatible. I was the first person to see his new apartment. He gave me a copy of the book that he wrote. He drove across town to have dinner at my place. He even brought me flowers.

and now it’s time for the BUT.

Two days after I cook him dinner I get the “I’m not ready for a relationship” email. Apparently he just got out of something a few weeks before I went out with him. He said that I deserve to be with someone who can give themselves to me unencumbered by emotional bulshit.

I feel a little used. The fact that this didn’t come up at all in the 3 weeks that we have shared a wealth of personal information is a little weird. It seems like “I just got out of a relationship” would have popped up before a lot of the things he shared. Especially if it was something that was creating that much disruption in his life. I had finished his book and it was pretty apparent that he had gone though some messy stuff. Maybe not everything in the book was true but something in his life had to inspire his writing.

As much as we hate to admit it we all come with personal baggage and emotional bullshit. Some people have paired it down to a backpack others are toting around a 5 piece matching set.

This is why I started this 17 dates challenge. I wanted to work out some personal issues. I had built this giant wall around myself and I knew that in order to grow as a person I needed to let people into my life. I had to learn how to share and trust in order to lighten my emotional load. I think I have got it down to one of those little train cases.

It’s funny that this happened now. I was trying to figure out how to proceed with the 17 dates. The 4 dates I had gone on with the redhead were good. I decided to take things one day at time. Then there is the fact that sex complicates things so I figured it was best to hang out on the plateau called date #9. The goal of this challenge is not to go on 17 dates in a year, it was for me to grow as a person. Passing up opportunities out of fear was not acceptable.

So I had a bunch of date related stuff typed up and decided to use Blogger’s scheduler to make sure that things got published. This scales back on the spontaneity but it gets content out there on a more frequent basis. Unfortunately, I will have to get back on the dating train to avoid running out of content.

The dating thing was starting to get a little crazy. Part of me was thinking about going on some dates that were bound for disaster just to get a story (ie. dude with 7 cats. BTW. Ask the Arab is about 90% true). I was beginning to feel like one of those crazy tabloid writers that follows Britney and Lindsay around for a story. NOT GOOD. That totally defeats the point behind the exercise.

Even though I have no clue who my readership is I would like to believe that they would appreciate REAL, yet highly entertaining, content. I would also like dates with substance rather than losing precious minutes of my life that I will never get back.

I am done with men. (no I don’t plan on knitting a sweater as my man replacement).

I think life would be easier without them. I will check out on them before more check out on me. That’s my plan and I’m sticking to it for now.

People keep telling me that one day I will find the right one. Or that I should just find the one for right now. It is beginning to sound a lot like Charlie Brown’s teachers “waa-waa whaa-whaa”.

I’ll admit that I’ve been off the grid for awhile. I have 2 jobs and I keep myself pretty busy around the house. But I figure that my phone and my email work in both directions. There are some people who I play tag with and things never quite work out to the point where both parties are available to do something.

There are some people that assume that I have skipped town. Nope, I’ve just changed hobbies. Regardless, when you lose something, it’s best to go back to the place that you last saw that item (unless it’s a sock that you have lost, those you just have to let go).

It’s times like these that I do a full purging of email addresses, phone numbers and myspace friends. It’s all about the Big E. Those that make the effort get to stick around. Then there are some people that are permanent fixtures.

PS. I have had the same cell phone number for the last 10 years.

Apparently I didn’t get the memo. But I did see this ad on MySpace (No, I am not as supporter of this “TRUE” dating site. MySpace just sells them a lot of ad space. I don’t even find the dude in the picture attractive. They could have chosen a better picture to announce the kick off of boyfriend season.). I didn’t know that boyfriends were ever out of season. My question is, When is fuckbuddy season? Does that season exist? I don’t necessarily have time for a boyfriend type person. Not right now. I could go for a friends with benefits type person. Someone to hang out with, see a show, maybe a movie, and have really great sex (or maybe just make out on my couch).

I haven’t really brought up the topic of race on my site but I figure that there is no better time than the present. It may give you a little more insight into why I am the way that I am. [That would be me over there on the right.]

I attended a panel at SXSW on Identity, Attention, Presence and Reputation. One of the big focuses was on using blogs as a tool to communicate identity.

I hope that by now you can tell that there are different people who write for this blog (although I write more often than the others). From our writing styles you probably couldn’t figure out all of our ethnicities or ages. But does that matter that there are 2 black girls, 3 white girls, and a half asian girl?

Back to me and my identity “crisis”. Here is the deal. When I go out I get cat calls and the occasional “Baby, What’s up?” from dudes that look like they belong in a rap video. I seem to attract the one thing that I am not interested in. I don’t dress anything like one of those girls in one of those rap guys videos. Do they not see the hipster glasses.

Forgive me for being blunt. I like tall dorky white boys. It’s been that way since I was a kid. I grew up in white suburbia. We were upper middle class. All of the schools were predominantly white. Although sometimes there is a bit of a problem when they want me to be their ghetto princess. I am not joking about this. They seriously thought that I had some inner ghetto princess and that I was supressing it. Silly boys.

Part of the reason that I chose to stay in Austin is because of it’s acceptance of interacial relationships (I wan’t to keep my options open). It’s pretty accepting of most things. I have only had a few run ins with the occasional racist bastard. There were a few landlords that wouldn’t rent out places to me and my white roommate (even after my dad volunteered to pay 6 months rent up front). But, for the most part it isn’t an issue (well, atleast not so much in Austin). If anything, I am discriminated against by people of my own race. Which isn’t new. Visiting my Dad’s family in the south was rough. My sister and I weren’t accepted by our cousin because we didn’t “act black” (whatever that means).

To be honest, I am a little afraid of black people. Another environmental thing. Being “raised white” I too was influenced by the way that black people are often portrayed in the media. I’ve tried to shed the images but it’s hard. The best thing I can do is try to remember that we are all human beings.

Did anyone else have one of these when they were a kid?

I’ve been trapped in the house because of foul weather and allergies since Friday afternoon. I am running out of things to keep me entertained. I suppose I could sew my entire spring wardrobe but it is too damn cold to be thinking about that.

So why is a hermit like me complaining about being stuck inside. I think it’s because it is one thing to choose to stay inside and another to be stuck inside.

So what have I done to keep myself entertained?

• I started practicing my guitar again. I was feeling a little guilty that I had abandoned it for a month.
• I made soup yesterday. From scratch. Vegetable chowder with quinoa. I also made whole wheat biscuits.
• I vacuumed out my sewing machine and serger.
• I’ve done 3 loads of laundry and changed my sheets.
• I busted out my new pilates video and the pilates ring that Megan got me for Christmas.
• I cut out a few shirts and a hooded sweatshirt.
• I watched the video for my serger again in the hopes of learning how to make the thing work the way I want it to.
• I’ve spent countless hours on the internet. Some of it was research on how to use my serger. Some of it was totally wasted time on craigslist and myspace.

I am running out of things to do and it looks like I could be stuck inside for another day or so. This is one of the very few times that I actually wish I had a roommate to keep me entertained. Someone to prevent me from listening to Beck “Sea Change” and surfing the personals on craigslist (I am just surfing, not posting/responding. I am not that desperate). A roommate would make roasting marshmallows in the fireplace fun right now. Roasting marshmallows and making s’mores with the cat just doesn’t seem right.

Part of me is wishing that the power goes out. First of all it would break me of my internet addiction. Second, it would give me a good reason to light the fireplace without feeling like something is missing (like another warm body besides the cat to share it with). Maybe I will get around to making those s’mores.

Part of me is wondering why I never get lucky enough to be iced in with someone marvelous.

I suppose if I am trapped at home for another 24 hours I should take down my Christmas Tree. I have a feelling that I will skip that and move straight to baking again.