So M was complaining that there weren’t any photo’s of her on the website.

Photo by Disco Gerdes. Me and my hetero life partner M at Blackmail.

Does this make you feel better?  I just don’t take pictures that often.  Besides, I think that you prefer me to stay on top of coding and making cool things.  You are a much better photographer.  Remember I only have FIVE megapixels.  You also make a much better get away car driver.

So, why is it that I’m never in any of the pics on this site?  Oh yeah, that’s because I’m the one taking most of them.  It’s not to say that other people aren’t taking pics of me.  I just uploaded a ton of stuff to the flickr, and there’s not one single one of me in this batch of uploads.

I kinda pissed me off for a second, but now that I think about it some more, it’s ok with me.  At least I’ll get attribution for my photos, then maybe people can look for me by searching through things I’ve taken.

Speaking on that note, I have two gigs lined up.  I’ll be shooting on Saturday for a band.  They need new pics for their myspace and other stuff.  Then in February, I’ll be shooting a fundraiser event at the austin music hall.  I’m pretty psyched about both.  I’ll post some of the proofs on here after this weekend.

It also looks like there isn’t going to be much to shoot in the next week, maybe I can take some pics of turkeys….ha.  By the way: What are your plans for thanksgiving?  I think we might do a dinner in austin somewhere, if nobody plans one soon, I’ll probably get on that.  (yep, it’s late, can you tell that I can’t focus anymore? That means it’s time for me to be done writing.)

Good night readers!

Halloween! Originally uploaded by Limorama

As promised, here’s my Halloween costume. It was pretty easy to make, just cut the letters out on white fabric, then hand stiched them on. The other stuff we mostly got at good will.

Really, I was just lazy this year, I usually go all out with the scary fake blood and stuff, but not this year. Another bonus was that my overalls had tons of pockets! Yay pockets, no need to carry a bag of any kind.

Jen told me today that she wanted to make a cape. I personally think it’s silly, and don’t appreciate the silhouette at all. But still, more power to her if she wants to rock it. I always say that having that crazy stuff is about owning it, and rocking it while you’re wearing it.

Ok so to get down to business, Jen needs a super hero name. If she’s going to wear the cape out, we need to make her a mask, and give her a great name.

I think you guys know her pretty well after reading all her posts ect… I was thinking “Super Grandma Driver” or something like that.

Let us know if you think of anything good!

I really doubt that this new found faith in our posse is unfounded, or for that matter out of the ordinary.

This would be not the first, but I think in the last few months, that was the fourth time either one of us has thanked our friends for being. I always knew I was in awe of all of my friends for all that they do, and on top of all that they keep my sanity as well.

I think it’s all paybacks. I am the firmest believer in karma, have always been. Not in the traditional sense, but more in the “If I’m good to you, you’ll be good to me.” way. I’m not exactly sure that’s working out in all aspects of my life thought. (But I’ll save that for another post.)

This thing that happened is just proof of the karmic circle. Late last year there was the thelma and louise incident. I remember reading, and re-reading that post thinking how very lucky I was and am to have a friend like Jen.

When things appear to not be going well all that I usually need to make myself feel better is some time with my friends. They are really great at reminding me of how great I really am, even if I’m not feeling that way.

I’m happy that I can be even 1/8th as helpful to Jen as she was to me when I so desperately needed her.

I almost hate to say that I’m so dependant on other people, but I really believe that I wouldn’t be able to get along in this life if it weren’t for my friends. It’s kinda shmoopy and all that, but they are my family here. My real family lives 1000 miles away, and I am the type of person that really needs a support system. I can’t function well unless I have people around.

So yeah, I second that, Thanks dudes, I too love you all so much.
-M

So yeah, I’m not sure what it is. Expectations always seem to lead to let downs for me. And try as I might, I can’t help having those expectations.

Take last night for example. Some friends said they were coming out, but ended up bailing on me. I know things happen, and people hafta change plans, but I was still rather disappointed. Maybe un-justly but still, I wanted to see them. I waited around all night for them to show.

The real issue here is not that my friends didn’t show up, it is about the expectations I have for other people and myself. I think I’m guilty of that; setting the bar too high for people in my life and refusing to let anyone in who can come close to but not up to or surpass the bar. That’s a me issue, something I have to deal with. I’m learning to be more lax about it all, but it will take more time.

Isn’t there something about holding yourself up to higher expectations too? isn’t that supposed to be good? Then WTF, why can’t I do that? I seem to have such an sense of what I’d like for myself and who I’d like to be, but it just doesn’t work out that way. I always seem to let myself down, just at the moment when I think I’ve figured some of it out. Well, guess that’s not going to happen.

Does that mean I shouldn’t have any more expectations for myself? I think that’s kinda wrong too. It’s about finding the in-between ground. I’ve never been any good at that. I’ve pretty much always been an all or none kind of person; it’s just part of my type A personality I think.

Just maybe if I could learn to modify that need for setting super high expectations of myself I would feel more satisfied with my life. The only issue is, how do I know when they’re too low? What is my measure? Is there someone I can use as an example of my yardstick? Maybe my parents, they seem pretty satisfied with their own lives. Maybe that’s too far in the future though? I guess what it amounts to is that I don’t get it.

On that note; a new school year, new classes, new things to learn, and new job. This is me re-shuffling the deck and putting all the cards back in. Get ready for that killer hand, ’cause man, I’m sure I’m due for it to be dealt to me.

Maybe I should just be too busy for crazy, we know I have a lot to do this semester but, I’m not sure that being busy is really being truthful to myself. Yeah I’m enjoying it, I do like the direction my life is going now. Here’s the thing, really letting go, I need to make that decision. Being busy is a cop out. Not that it’s not valid or anything, just it’s not completely truthful.

I think I deserve better than crazy. In General crazy’s not bad, I just think my mental health would be much more positive if I didn’t have to worry about crazy. Maybe there’s some part of not worrying about crazy too much that I don’t really get. It is that balance thing.

In reality, that’s not how I see it working out. I’m not trying to be pessimistic here, just don’t think that trying to be less crazy is really an appropriate response to the situation.

I know I said it before but I have to cut the cord. I can’t just ask other people to cut me off, I have to make the decision myself. That’s the hard part I guess.

So, here’s to another school year starting, and trying to look upon things differently. Maybe by this time next year I’ll have figured out some of it. I’ll plan on that. If I make the plans for that, then I’ll be more likely to actually accomplish it by myself, you know?

So, I’ve noticed a trend lately in my posts, they are all tending to be about the apathetic sect of our generation that I like to call hipsters.

There is something about that group of people that really annoys me, or at least I pretend to be annoyed by them. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m one of them or what. Maybe I’m one of them, but maybe I’m not, anyone have any particular ideas of what totally classifies a hipster?

I’ve always thought that it was about clothes and being into more indie music than other people. There’s some bad connotation too about the apathy, but I’m not sure if that needs to be part of the definition.

Maybe, with all this new-found growth in my life both emotionally and mentally I just need to let that go. I think I need to embrace my being a hipster rather than shun-ing it.

And irregardless of labels and stereotypes, there is more things that the human race has in common than different. So I should probably start working on that. Making more connections, rather than separating people from be based on the clothes they wear or music they listen to.

A few years ago, a now ex-boyfriend and I used to have this argument all the time. Who was more hipster, and somehow it always had bad connotations. Hipsters are dumb, hipsters are sheep, hipsters are apathetic. I’m done with that. I think for me really getting any sort of understanding is going to be found in accepting my station.

What’s that proverb, something like “The smartest man knows only himself.” I’m not sure who said that or where I’ve heard that, but it seems fitting for my situation right now.

So today I went shopping. I was trying to go to ace mart with Mikey to help him get some new stuff for his kitchen, but it was closed. Not just closed for the day but closed for good. I think because the location was too valuable for the up and coming condos here.

After we didn’t get to go shopping for fun kitchen stuff we went to for tacos at torchy’s. The best tex-mex tacos in Austin, BTW. Then he had to go meet Kim. Ok cool I had an afternoon to kill, that’s a very appealing thing to me. It’s been awhile since I’ve had the time to just lolly-gag around town.

I first went down to Parts & Labor. A little boutique favorite of mine here in town. They always have some cool local designer stuff. I’m particularly fond of the jewelry there.

Being down on south congress just reminded me of the gentrification that’s going on all over town. Now I’m all for making stuff nicer and newer, but I’m beginning to realize the cost of it on the original character of the city.

It reminded me of the old Factory People. I used to love that place, you could always find something unique and couture over there, but because of gentrification it’s gone now. Now it’s an American Apparel (Blech!), filled with florescent lights and uniform clothes with no character.

Then I went down to that 2nd street district. Octane used to be over there but they couldn’t afford to keep the lease. That was my favorite store in Austin. I used to buy all my James Perse there. Now I have to buy his stuff online. It’s kinda depressing.

So I decided to just walk around the block and check out what was there now. Nothing. There’s some other boutiques there, but nothing that fills the void of Octane. Every other store in that area is designed to make everyone look the same, with racks and racks of the same stuff.

This all made me think of Kiki Nass too. That place closed a few months ago, and now a skateboard/clothing shop is there also with racks and racks of the same stuff. Granted, it probably wasn’t in the best location for business, but I often made a trip out of my way to check out her new stuff.

Can anyone tell me what happened to all the awesome little boutiques in town? Am I just stuck dressing like every other girl here in town now? How sad is that?

Yesterday after school the Jew and I went to the Blanton for a members only showing of the printmaking galleries.

I believe it was really one of the first times in my life that I actually felt smart. It’s not that I feel dumb most of the time or anything, just yesterday I knew the prints we saw and for the first time in real life had something intelligent to say about them.

The Jew was impressed. Hell, I was impressed with how much I actually retained from my art history class. It was pretty freakin’ rad. It really me realize how much I will eventually end up getting out of school.

It’s a new feeling too, maybe that’s the other reason why I like it so much. Well whatever it is, I’m not going to question it right now. It was awesome. So if anyone has any art questions, I’m here for ya!